Beam Me Up – I’m Here To Help

I knew on the Thursday morning, it would be Alan’s last day on this earth.  His feet were stone cold, his breathing was very labored, and his complexion was red and sweaty.  The haunting Scottish pipes echoed throughout the house.  My friend Jacqueline had returned to the house in the morning to give me moral support, and was sitting quietly in the Lounge.

I kissed Alan constantly and told him how much I loved him; that I would be OK.   As I leaned in to kiss him,  he mumbled incoherently and his mouth held the word love, he fought so hard to stay, and then I was conscious that his very essence; his soul; that uniqueness that made him ALAN had left the body, and I was left with his pallid shell.  I looked up at the ceiling sensing that “he” was looking down on me, and I knew he was finally at peace.

Alan Nicholas Manning died at 4.40 pm on Thursday, 26th April

I called the phone number for the Brain Bank, and then I called Hospice.  Due to heavy traffic they were a long time coming, so while I waited,  I washed Alan’s body and removed his wedding band.  Alan always had an amazing sense of humor and love of life, so I found one of his Geico T-shirts which said “I’m Here to Help”.  Since I was donating his brain for research,  I thought that might bring a smile to the face of the Neuropathologist, and I knew that as a child of God, it would make him smile when he was welcomed home.

Once the body had been certified, and the Funeral Director came  to remove him, I locked Lucy & Lucky in our Florida Room in case they ran out, and I have a haunting photo of them sitting side by side behind the glass door, staring into the Lounge watching Alan being carried out on a stretcher …..where had their daddy gone?


Jackie had phoned Rashanee to give her the news and together we waved Alan off one last time,  I sat doing the paperwork with the Doctor, and she emptied the morphine down the sink.

That night my girlfriends arrived with Pizza & Salad and we sat laughing and reminiscing about some of Alan’s antics and the joy he had brought into so many people’s lives; particularly mine.

I finally crawled into bed with Lucy & Lucky and sobbed my heart out.