The days were getting longer now, just trying to get Alan out of bed, fed and showered was an all day process.  During the day, I would sit him in our Florida Room with the windows open, and he had a fidget bib which he constantly picked at.  By holding both of his hands and walking backwards (so I could guide him) occasionally I managed to get him out into the garden – we just sat and listened to the birds and the wind.

The only way I could feed him now was by rolling small pieces of food in my fingers to make it in a ball and pushing it into his mouth.  Every night, I cooked a full meal of all his favorites and we just sat, me popping tiny pieces of food into his mouth, chattering away trying to fill the space.

Years before we had gone to Vegas just the one time – neither of us were gamblers, but we just went for the experience.  We were wandering around one day, and Alan saw a Wedding Chapel, and said “come on, let’s go and renew our wedding vows”  I always regretted saying no, because I wasn’t dressed etc. etc. and the moment passed.  Don’t ask me why, but one night as we were sitting eating, and I was chattering on about something, I asked him the question “Would you Marry Me Again”, to my utter amazement he managed to turn his head ever so slightly, gave me one of his cheeky smiles, and said “Course I Would” – I nearly fell off my chair, but that sowed a seed.

After Alan died, I related this story to a dear friend, and on one of our anniversaries she presented me with this wonderful gift and I burst into tears.